Learning to Hope
by Bramblerose4
Summary: Takes place during Into Darkness. Spock spiral of thoughts as he watches over his captain in the hospital. Spock/Nyota. Super subtle hints of Spock/Kirk. First venture into Star Trek 2009.


For Jessica499499 who deserves all the blame/credit for this thing.

Learning to Hope

Like most individuals Spock hated being in hospitals, especially when he wasn't a patient. Being in a place where improbabilities ran rampant made him uncomfortable. His reliance on order and simple truths held no place here where someone entering with a simple cold might end up in the morgue hours later while someone with a fatal diagnosis fully recovered with only hospital bills to show they were ever ill at all. And while there was a large degree of knowledge and logic that aided in the medical field there was a higher degree of chance than there was in other occupations.

And when he came right down to it leaving things up to chance wasn't something Spock was comfortable doing. He even had a hard time admitting things like luck and miracles existed let alone beginning to believe they would work in his favor, but fortunately for him that uncertain space was where Jim thrived.

But even knowing how often the captain had beaten the odds sitting there in Jim's hospital room, watching him struggling to breathe made Spock think strange things.

What will happen if Jim doesn't make it? The proposed question swirled around in his mind unable to rest until Spock gave it the logical answer it deserved.

He will die.

A funeral will be held as well as a memorial service to honor those who died during the whole Khan ordeal.

Something inside of Spock shivered at the finality of those thoughts; his human side.

He decided to shrink away from the thought of death and focused instead on what he knew. The constant sounds of machines whirling and beeping informed him that his captain was indeed not dead but in fact very much alive.

So far.

But there was still a chance his body would reject Khan's blood, he then would then go into shock and his heart would give out or a blood clot could form in his brain, cutting off the oxygen supply and Khan would have killed him all over again.

Spock closed his eyes and forced those thoughts away. While everything he was thinking were very real possibilities that ought to be considered there was just as much evidence Jim would survive and become one of those cases where everyone expected the worst but received the best. Besides Jim's vitals have gone from non-existent to barely being registered by the machines and with each hour the numbers were going up as the captain grew stronger. According to Doctor McCoy Kirk's body was back, but he had yet to wake up.

The good doctor assured him it was normal and all things considered Jim having a pulse at all was more than they could have hoped for.

Knowing Kirk's body was mostly out of danger triggered the next logical hurdle involved the captain's mind.

What will happen if Jim never wakes up?

As unpleasant as the question was Spock allowed all the possibilities to surge within him, it helped him to sort out the answer by starting from the worst case scenario to the least. There was no reason behind the order of his thoughts, because it wasn't reason that was guiding him now; it was hope.

If Jim didn't wake up soon the more likely it was he would never wake. He would be kept here for three more weeks under observation and then he would be shipped to a Star Fleet hospice for care, or maybe his mother would come and collect him, demanding Jim would benefit more being surrounded by his family.

But the crew of the _Enterprise_ was his family, hasn't Kirk told him how he considered his crew to be his family? Yes, he has. Spock remembered seeing the words resonate with Kirk when Khan shared a similar sentiment about his own crew. If Kirk needed to be around his family in order to recover than he ought to remain here.

But that train of thought didn't add up either. It wasn't as if Kirk could was able to go on missions. If anything he would be a liability, taking up resources which should be conserved for medical emergencies.

So why wasn't he dismissing the idea the moment he thought of it?

"Spock, Spock, _Spock_!"

Spock's opened his eyes and immediately looked over to the bed thinking he had heard Jim speak his name but Kirk remained unconscious.

"Spock," a soft voice whispered urgently in his ear.

He stiffened in his chair and looked to his right at the source of the voice.

_Not Jim, but…_

"Nyota," he said labeling the person who knelt down beside him.

"Hey," Nyota smiled taking Spock's use of her first name as a greeting instead of the reminder it was.

"Hello," he responded sitting back in his chair.

She slowly reached out her hand. It hovered over his as she waited for his permission. He inclined his head once and she placed her palm over the back of his hand. "How's the Captain doing?"

"He remains the same."

He felt pressure on his hand as the lieutenant squeezed her fingers around him he glanced at their hands before looking into her eyes. She nodded as if that decided something. "I've made arrangements with the nurse. There's a bed for you in their staff room. You need to rest."

"But-"

"-I'll watch over the captain and call you if anything changes."

Spock made a note of her choice of words. The fact she said anything changes instead of wakes up told him that she was just as aware of the circumstances as he was.

"Go, or I'll have a nurse give you a sedative. And I'll make sure she jabs you somewhere sensitive."

Spock knew she was trying to be supportive and give him the encouragement and comfort she was so good at providing.

"That will not be necessary, Lieutenant."

"Good. The staff room is three floors down. I am sure you will be able to navigate your way there, _Commander_."

Spock opened his mouth to correct her. Since Jim was out of commission he was acting Captain, but the way she said his title, with such conviction, it was as if she was telling him his captaincy was temporary. He nodded in appreciation and acknowledging her gesture while silently hoping for the same.

He hesitated in the doorway as he heard the scraping of metal across the polished floor as Nyota moved the chair closer to the bed. When their eyes met she gave him a tight smile. "Don't worry, Spock. The captain will be fine. He knows he isn't allowed to die, because if he does I will kill him for it," Nyota vowed.

Spock brows furled up in confusion at the paradox but her face was set in such a serious expression he was almost able to believe she wasn't joking.

It was impossible to kill a man twice. But if there was a man who possessed the luck to live twice and die twice it would be Jim Kirk.


End file.
